My daddy gone

Mark David Wild he was my daddy my best friend. He was  marine and he loved it. I was his little girl. You found me you found my daddy , you found my daddy you found me. We had a very close bond. Our fishing trips , hoping on trains to get around , going out to eat.. He would tell me stories and know matter how many times I heard them I still listen to them. The day my daddy died is the day I died right along with him.  I was completely devastated… I felt the very breath leave my body , I felt my heart stop beating. It’s been 9 years now I still have A hard time coping with his death. Depression got to him and he took his own life. I felt betrayed . How could he do this to me? Was I not worth living for? why would he hurt me in such a way? why didn’t he come to me for help? What happens between the days we didn’t see each other? Was he scared ? Was he praying? Did he think of me at that moment?????? Questions!!!! I will never know I will never get my answers and only he knows those questions. If I was his baby girl why did he choose this way out. We was planing a fishing trip I want those 4 days of no phone call from my daddy which was normal , but something happen to him that was so  unbearable that he had to do this to me.. Why ? Why? Why? I will never have peace I will never have answers just painful depression all due to my Fathers death.. I miss my daddy

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8 comments

  1. lexklein · November 4, 2016

    I’m so sorry. It’s hard to lose someone, especially someone who is such a big part of you. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elyse · November 30

    I do a lot of research on suicide. Most times it happens spontaneously — and a means presents itself. (This is one reason I am so opposed to guns — folks are more likely to use it on themselves or someone they know than to fend off a bad guy).

    You have my sympathies on the loss of your father. Some losses are just impossible to fully come to peace with. One of my sisters died unexpectedly almost 17 years ago and I still grieve. Yet my other sister’s death (6 years ago) I’m at peace with. I don’t think it’s practice or the relationship, but I don’t know what it is.

    May you always think of your dad with more smiles than tears.

    Liked by 1 person

    • WildAllyKat · November 30

      Thank you so much I will never have closer. Know matter how many times I read his letter he left me I read it so much I know word for word. I smell the paper it still smells like him so I have it in a very special place Aug 20 , 2007 is the last time I saw my daddy alive. Sept 4 , 2007 is the day I died cause he died I never been the same

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elyse · November 30

        I hope someday you can forgive him at least partially.

        Like

      • WildAllyKat · November 30

        It took me 7 years to forgive him , but to forget what he did to him to me I was a daddy girl and he left me that I will never understand

        Liked by 1 person

      • Elyse · November 30

        That makes perfect sense.

        Liked by 1 person

      • WildAllyKat · November 30

        I have pic of my dad all over my house he will never be forgotten he is in a better place I belive in my heart that he is where he wanted to be he believed that he come from the stars he use to tell me when I pass from this earth I will return to the stars so my North star is where he is and every night he shines bright in my bedroom window

        Liked by 1 person

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